Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Randomize
