My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Randomize
