Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
