I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
So squirting runs in the family.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Randomize
