please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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