I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
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