one two three fourrrrnication!
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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