Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
