Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Randomize