Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Randomize
