Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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