There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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