I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
