I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
you didnt know i had herpes?
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
It's blow job season.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Randomize
