i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
