I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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