Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
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