You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
