walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Randomize
