Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
