It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
