dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
