oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
