haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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