I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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