i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
