so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
