We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
