he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Randomize
