I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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