He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
this must be what syphilis tastes like
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
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