Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
