Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
