Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
