No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Randomize
