tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
