omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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