I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
