What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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