he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
