ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
