and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
