There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize