somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
