i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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