I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Watching her eat just hurts me
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Randomize
