you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
