So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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