normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize