i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
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