last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
