Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
