We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Randomize
