I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
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