I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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