Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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