just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
