Please, let me fuck your mom
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
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