I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
