she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
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I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
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