how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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