we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
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