So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
