I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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